Busted!…and it almost feels good

So, it was only very recently that SepiaQueen and I decided to embark on this whole polyamorous lifestyle thing. Neither one of us has hooked up with anyone yet, but my wife is making strong headway with one very interesting woman (friendship or something more one day? who knows yet) and has a few other people (male mostly) nibbling around her various profiles online…and I’m finally starting to get the attention of a few folks, too. Plus, we’re going to a swinger’s event this weekend, which will be eye-opening for both of us, and we’re meeting with a polyamorous couple we’ve never seen in real life to just chat and hang out.

All this in the matter of a couple weeks. We’re on dating sites, fetish sites, planning to attend events…hell, aside from the fact that we haven’t actually had sex with anyone but each other (and our journey into both polyamory and kinkier explorations have made that sex both plentiful and wonderful), we’re pretty much about as far along as one can be.

Let it not be said we tarried in our plans to shake things up in our life together.

So, it’s probably not entirely surprising that as the racier sexual stuff impacts so strongly into our day-to-day life that our newly emerging lifestyle would smack right into our reality.

Yeah, I got busted looking around for other women.

Of course, we know I didn’t get busted by my wife, because she already knows (and has been encouraging me to move a bit faster than I have been…sorry, babe, but deadlines for work come first ). No, I got busted by one of her online friends (and someone she’s been meaning to have lunch or coffee with in real life soon, and probably will). Seems that in our fairly small population here in our little portion of New England, everyone single person is on the same dating site SepiaQueen and I are on, which isn’t even one of the bigger and better known ones. No, this site is OkCupid, which is a free dating site that we went to only because its rules and classifications and such are pretty friendly to those who are polyamorous (which the big sites are not).

Since it wasn’t one of the most well-known sites, we didn’t expect to see many people there (if any) that we knew. And yet we have now run across several profiles of people we recognize both from Twitter and real-life, all of them within 20 miles of us. My wife is masked in her profile pic, so her identity and professional reputation are fairly safe. We didn’t mind putting my face up there, because I don’t have the same kind of reputation locally to maintain and the bulk of the people who deal with her regularly aren’t likely to readily recognize me (and we didn’t expect any of them to be on OkCupid anyway, and so far none of those people in her professional life seem to be there).

So this Twitter (and perhaps one day IRL) friend sees my profile. Since I used the same avatar as I do in Twitter, and both my wife and I follow (and are followed by) this person on Twitter, she recognized me, and immediately sent a message to me through OkCupid politely demanding to know if my wife knew I was on there.

It is to her credit both that she didn’t 100% assume the worst and go straight to my wife and also that she was looking out for my wife (as she noted later, she was hopping mad that I might be betraying SepiaQueen and might have hurt me if I were). I told my wife, my wife contacted her, and all was well. As long as my wife knew, she was cool (also a big gold star with regard to her character that she didn’t judge my wife about that).

Now, I admit I was really thrown off by this event at first. Not so much because I might be “exposed,” since it had already become clear that several local people we know on Twitter would be able to trip over my profile and possibly tease one or both of us mercilessly should we meet in real life. We had pretty much resigned ourselves to that happening (though now we realize it might happen sooner than expected).

No, I was actually more concerned that my wife’s friend would think ill of me, and that my wife might want to do a little smokescreen action to disguise her own polyamorous inclinations in life, and thus that I would end up looking like an asshole to someone I think is pretty cool. Fortunately, my wife is big into the honesty thing (at least with people we might hang out with) so all was cleared up and the friend removed me from her shit list.

My knees thus remain intact, and my reputation as a decent guy as well. However, we’re not exactly going to hit her with the incredibly long list of kinks I have nor the steadily growing one for my wife. A person can only take so much truth at once.

I guess the main point of all this, though, as my headline suggests, is that it kind of feels good to have someone know. Do I want everyone we interact with to know? Shit damn hell fucking no. They don’t know about my vanilla sex life; why should they know about the 36-flavors one? But knowing that our “secret” can get out and not be a ruinous thing is nice. To have someone I respect online know and not judge me is cool. So, I was “busted” but in the end feel pretty positive about that.

However, while being outed isn’t all bad and might be a positive thing, we’re going to tread as cautiously as we can for a while.

And that’s why the cool photo of me used for my Twitter avatar has now been replaced with one at OkCupid that kind of makes me look dork-ish (just a little)…here’s hoping that doesn’t turn all the ladies off.

(The picture I used above has little to do with this post, really, but I thought it was cool, it had the “Busted” thing going, and so I figured I should have the image link to the actual book online to which it belongs. I get no kickback for doing so and no next to nothing about the book except what I read in passing as I grabbed the image. I just don’t want to get sued for copyright infringement or something.)

 

Of Serendipity, Sex and Shaving

So, as I write this, I’ve had sexual contact with my wife SepiaQueen every day (on average…been one or two nights we missed but those were compensated for by multiple sexy get-togethers on other days) for going on something like 10 days now. That’s unprecedented in our relationship even going back to our younger dating days 14 or 15 years ago.

To what do I owe this?

In an odd sense, on SepiaQueen choosing to take a day off from Twitter.

We’ve had some challenges in our marriage recently and both of us wondered if the relationship was heading for the rocks. Frankly, Twitter has been my wife’s escape from a lot of stressors in life recently, and perhaps a way to occupy herself rather than be with me at times. It’s not for lack of love (we have plenty of that for each other) nor lack of compatibility. But intimacy was getting harder and harder, and it wasn’t clear just why my wife couldn’t really generate passion for me anymore.

She realized she needed a break from online life, and so she stepped away from Twitter for a day. During that day, she decided to direct more energy to us, and to connecting with me. The connection turned out to be quite literal…and wet…and wonderful.

But it didn’t stop there, and I don’t just mean the sex (the past 10 days have been a whirlwind of oral on one or the other of us, 69, missionary, rimming, masturbation [solo and mutual], kissing, sucking, licking and more). No, what I mean is that somehow, this renewed passion broke through a wall.

SepiaQueen already touched on this a little in her first post on this blog a few days ago, but somehow, she came to a sexual awakening that there was something she needed, and it was something more than me. She needed someone else. A man. Or a woman. Maybe both. I’ve told her in the past if she needed to step out of our marriage for a bit, she could, but it’s never happened. And partly that’s because she doesn’t want to step out. She wants this to be a part of our life together. And after much talking (in between all that sexual activity) we’ve talked about our unspoken and unmet needs and have found that I am comfortable with the idea that we are now suddenly on the path to a polyamorous lifestyle. That breakthrough, in turn, has led to more sex between us…and suddenly joining places like Love Voodoo and FetLife and more…and my wife discovering a host of kinks that turn her on, from nipple clamps to voyeurism). Suddenly, we’ve put ourselves out there on a new and exciting (and slightly scary) adventure. And we’re in it together, which has renewed and strengthened our emotional and psychological bonds with a suddenness and sureness that is nothing short of miraculous.

It’s also had one downside though: For most of the past 10 days, I’ve been itching like hell between my legs. No, not an STD…

…no, not pubic lice either. C’mon! Let me…

No, we didn’t have sex in the woods and accidentally rub up against some poison oak or poison ivy. That’s just silly…

No! I’m not allergic to some new flavor of lube we may or may not be using. Stop already.

What happened was that I shaved.

Yeah. Down there. For the first time in my life. And that, too, is largely because of this new life SepiaQueen and I have decided to embark upon. I figured if some other guy or gal or both end up in our lives, my hair might put them off a bit. My wife’s been around it for well over a dozen years of marriage now and a couple years of dating, so it doesn’t faze her. On the other hand, I also realized that with all the new activity between her and I, maybe the wife would like a mouthful of me that didn’t include a stray pubic hair or two.

I was amazed I didn’t nick anything, but I neglected to consider how much my delicate parts would be unused to microscopic stubble. It’s only today that I’ve managed to go the whole day without some kind of episode of feeling like a few ants decided to tap dance all over my privates. Pretty sure I’ll keep up the manscaping down there.

I know this first post from me is a bit of a ramble, but my blood flow has been primarily to the penis for well over a week now, so my brain isn’t in peak condition at the moment. More from me soon, whether commentary or some of my fiction (which you can also find in plentiful amounts at my blogs Better with Smoke and Smokedawg’s Non-Smoking Section, both of which are in the links in the sidebar)…maybe I’ll even write some true tales of me and SepiaQueen in the sack together.

Ciao for now, everyone. Play safe (or sane at least, even if not 100% safe)